They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My pussy is not your playground.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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