and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
