why didn't you poke me back
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
