I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
