I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.