but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.