Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!