What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
