he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
