where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
