3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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