Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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