Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
