I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
