First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
