a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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