I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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