dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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