love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
