Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
