I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
