i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
