How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
