You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
