Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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