dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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