sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize