Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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