Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
