Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
