Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
