I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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