when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
