I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
