Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
