my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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