I have demons in me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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