A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
