i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
