I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
