Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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