Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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