why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
