Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

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(850): Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now. (1-850): Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel. http://tfl.nu/j1ot

Replies (80) Good night (4243) Bad night (851)
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(817): View more from Texas

matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.

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(817): matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere. http://tfl.nu/fb8z

Replies (6) Good night (2396) Bad night (857)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.

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(201): i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/ojs9

Replies (29) Good night (1352) Bad night (6899)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

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(519): Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/wxg3

Replies (21) Good night (5811) Bad night (1262)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life

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(502): just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life http://tfl.nu/8goj

Replies (18) Good night (4786) Bad night (1056)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

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(303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with. http://tfl.nu/dbx0

Replies (18) Good night (4969) Bad night (1956)
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(816): View more from Missouri

He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

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(816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork. http://tfl.nu/6zkt

Replies (37) Good night (15978) Bad night (1297)
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(206): View more from Washington

We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

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(206): We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts. http://tfl.nu/k2p7

Replies (18) Good night (6684) Bad night (1140)
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(407): View more from Florida

I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.

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(407): I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight. http://tfl.nu/a28b

Replies (9) Good night (3106) Bad night (1035)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me

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(270): I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me http://tfl.nu/n5ey

Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (362)
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(801): View more from Utah

Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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(801): Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment. http://tfl.nu/y6m4

Replies (16) Good night (1007) Bad night (1669)
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(858): View more from California

The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.

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(858): The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good. http://tfl.nu/j93v

Replies (3) Good night (399) Bad night (681)
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(970): View more from Colorado

you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...

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(970): you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants... http://tfl.nu/t3k2

Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (514)
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(559): View more from California

Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"

(707): View more from California

Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.

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(559): Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!" (707): Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war. http://tfl.nu/84el

Replies (6) Good night (1587) Bad night (419)
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(561): View more from Florida

I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.

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(561): I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it. http://tfl.nu/oqgt

Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (257)

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