Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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(406): View more from Montana

Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass

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(304): View more from West Virginia

i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining

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(256): View more from Alabama

Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(352): View more from Florida

Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.

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(407): View more from Florida

Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.

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(913): View more from Kansas

My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.

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