I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.