best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
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His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.