Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.