Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation