What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.