I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!