Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.