He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Four minutes until I can fart!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
