If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it's like iHOP with fire
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
