Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
