Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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