I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
