i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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