we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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