I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
