So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
