Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
