First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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