she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
