is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
